Purloined Restaurant Spring 2009 Menu

Brent at bat with a baguette of his own making

Author’s Note

Purloined is a fictional restaurant based on my home cooking and whimsy. If I did have a restaurant, this would be the menu. Though I couldn’t stand cooking the same dishes night after night.

All of these items, or at least the ideas for them, have been stolen. From cookbooks, newspapers, TV shows, restaurants. In this grazed world, everything is fair game as a source to be purloined.

We’re taking reservations in the Comments.


Crostini Platter • basket of French bread crostinis • head cheese pate • herb butter • ginger-rhubarb compote • select cheeses

Fire-Grilled Asparagus • platter of asparagus • drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil • zest of lemon • select flatbreads

Fire-Grilled Bell Peppers • fire-grilled red, orange and yellow peppers • savoury humous • chilled tzatziki • select flatbreads

Vegetables and Dip • seasonal cut veggies • daily dips

Ants on a Log • celery sticks • peanut butter • Sun Maid raisins

Kettle-Popped Popcorn • salted and drizzled melted butter

Bowls of Cheezies • Hawkins’ Cheezies • 3 blue bowls

Chips and Dip • Old Dutch Rip-L chips • onion dip


(all salads served with crostini and select cheese)

Stripped Ceasar • sliced romaine lettuce • extra-virgin olive oil • aged parmesan • rosemary croutons • lime-juice vinegrette

Candied Beets and Salmon • sliced candied beets • candied chum salmon • mixed greens • slivered pecans • grapefruit vinegrette

Charred Leeks • fire-charred baby leeks • extra virgin olive oil • minced shallots • zest of lemon • herb butter


Quinoa Stew • sauteed aromatic vegetables – carrots, celery, onions • simmered vegetable stock • toasted quinoa • lemon-thyme finish • served with crusty French bread

Grilled Cheese Sandwich • melted Quebec aged cheddar • melted aged gouda • thin-sliced rosemary bread • served open-face with ramkin of cocktail sauce

Back Bacon Sandwich • basil pesto • aged white cheddar • thin-sliced tomatoes • romaine lettuce • toasted multigrain bread


Bus-Driver’s Baked Eggs • daily fresh ingredients • breadcrumb-herb crust • Yukon Gold pan fries • thick-sliced rye toast • strawberry-rhubard jam

Pan-Fried White Chinook Salmon • peppered lemon butter • • pan-fried mashed potato drops • ratatouille

Spice-Crusted Pork Ribs • maple syrup rubbed baby-back ribs • roasted spicy rub crust • baked Yukon gold potato • fire-grilled asparagus

Boiled Dungeoness Crab • hand-caught in local waters • served in 2 halves • clarified dipping butter • spring salad greens

Venison Loin Medallions • bed of wild rice • dried blueberries • port reduction • fire-charred leeks

Beef Prime Rib Bones • thyme braised • fire-grilled spice crust • wilted swiss chard • Yukon gold pan fries

Hog Burger • fire-grilled pork patty • wine-softened onion rings • melted ementhal cheese • radicchio leaves • spring greens salad with raspberry vinaigrette


Hot Daily Crisp • fresh seasonal berries • cinnamon-granola crust • French vanilla ice cream

Pa’s Special • French vanilla ice cream • cinnamon-candied pecans • warmed maple syrup

Blackberry-Vanilla Milkshake • Hand-picked blackberries • Mexican vanilla extract • vanilla-bean ice cream • spearmint garnish


The World’s Funniest Joke

You spent a year trying to find the world’s funniest joke. Could you tell us the joke that won?

Two New Jersey hunters go hunting. After a while, one of the hunters clutches his throat and falls to the ground, his eyes roll back, and he’s lying there motionless. The other one picks up a cell phone, dials 911, and says, “I think my friend is dead! I don’t know what to do!” And the operator says, “Just relax. Calm down. The first thing to do is to make certain your friend is dead.” There’s a pause — then a gunshot. And the hunter gets back on the phone and says, “Okay. Now what?”

From an article on called How to make your own luck.