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An Inventory of the Most Dangerous Cars and Drivers in Vancouver

For the past decade I’ve been driving in Vancouver. During that time I’ve accumulated a goodly amount of knowledge about the drivers and cars on our city’s streets, and which ones that you need to watch the fuck out for.

As a public service, I now present my personal observations in a collection available for peer review and scrutiny: an inventory of the most dangerous cars and drivers in Vancouver.

The Most Dangerous Cars

It goes without saying that a few types of cars are dangerous. Cabs, of course, have no karma. Avoid them because you know they will screw you six ways to Sunday.

Models and Colours

  • Toyota Corolla — champagne is worst, followed by white.
  • Toyota Camry — like Jim Morrison’s lyrics: wandering, wandering. Again, light colours are worst.
  • Minivans — the zepplins of the road these cocoons of distractions and cup holders make side and rear visibility difficult. Their blind spot is everywhere not directly in front of them. Stay back or pass quickly.
  • Honda Civic — sometimes dangerous, sometimes not. Look for additional telltale signs, listed below.

The Most Dangerous Drivers

  • Cell phone users
  • Parents with babies and / or pets in the car
  • Those who rely on back-window mirrors or rear-view cameras
  • Those with beepers that signal when they back up (nanny sirens)
  • Hat wearers of a certain vintage
  • Those who refuse to use the indicators
  • Lazy turners who cut corners short
  • Anyone looking for a parking spot

Additional Signs of Danger

Sometimes cars that don’t match the make or colour of the ones above or without the driver attributes above can still be a hazard to your health on the road.

But like poisonous snakes and berries, telltale signs reveal their danger.

I’ve collected a list of some of the most obvious signs to watch for below, from roughly most dangerous and most obvious, to less dangerous and less obvious. If you have additions, please add them. This is public service in action.

  • Student Driver cars — need I say more?
  • Learner and New driver stickers — as above but slightly less deadly.
  • The rear-window tissue box — always foretells erratic turns.
  • Dash-mounted cartoon characters — the distraction of all that cuteness bobbing on springs must be why they’re wandering lanes.
  • Out-of-province license plates — particularly from Alberta. They’re gawking, lost and looking for parking for the steam clock or the sign to Stanley Park.
  • Car co-op and car share programs like Zipcar — these folks don’t drive much and don’t own that car they’re driving.
  • Rental cars — see both items above. Rental cars combine at least one of those elements.
  • Loaner cars from auto body shops — proof they’ve already cracked up a car.

Now please, add your findings so we can make the world a better place.


3 thoughts on “An Inventory of the Most Dangerous Cars and Drivers in Vancouver

  1. This is awesome!
    Let’s not forget “The Sloucher”

    The Sloucher

    He is always driving a 1990 Thunderbird SC with faded paint, a broken trunk, low profiles and shiny rims. The rims are worth more that the car.

    Required attire a white sleeveless T. Hair cut – shaved very very short.

    Stance while driving – slouching. The seat so far back that you wonder how he can actually reach the break peddle. Left hand / arm on top of the wheel – hand hanging of the edge. Right hand – flip phone – Motorolla (usually gold). Always leaning way to the right in the seat – phone to ear.

    Never signals, wanders lane to lane. Always riding the line to the right in conjunction with the seat leaning or how in depth the phone call may be.

    Optional – girlfriend in passenger seat. They kiss at length at stop lights if he isn’t on the shiny gold bling phone.

    We have all driven behind him.

  2. Ok, a couple of additions to start us off.
    1. Any Audi Driver
    2. In fact you can add the majority of BMW and Mercedes drivers
    3. Any vehicle where it’s clear that one of or both of the following is true
    a). The height of the driver when standing is less than the height of the vehicle
    b). Where the potential cost of the vehicle divided by two > than the apparent age of the driver

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